The Place

Sleep, Sleep, they say

     But sleep brings no peace

Sleep, Sleep, they say

You'll feel better,

     I only feel terror and dirt and shame.

Eat, Eat, they say,

     I'll eat when I'm hungry but I never am

Eat, Eat, they say

You don't want to starve yourself,

     That's what you think.

Talk, Talk, they say

It will help...

     It only makes me hate myself more

Talk, Talk, they say

It will get better,

     Not better, I say

     Worse.

The Pit

The more I fight
The more I feel the ground I am standing on
Snatched out from underneath me
Replaced by the sands of an hourglass
Trapping me with invisible walls
Caged on all sides
And it's only a matter of time
Before the inevitable fall.
Lord, reach out your hand to me
Because the darkness is closing in again
And I'm starting to panic; I am terrified
Fearful of sinking to so many years ago
But not by any action of my own.
The darkness is swallowing me up
I've lost interest in my loves,
The things that form my joy.
Save me oh Lord! Don't let me be taken!
My heart beats quickly
Waiting anxiously and in terror
Until I can no longer see through the fog
Enveloping me like memories that I fear will replay.

Seasons (11-06-2009)

Summer fades into cool colors
As my affect goes down with the temperature
I begin to miss the sun
Whose warmth on my skin is a gentle embrace
When love is lacking all around me.
Now as the days get colder
I yearn for the warm light on my face
Like a lover spurned and forgotten
Like a child abandoned
I grasp onto every chance
To bask in rays of heat
To be gently touched.

Shine

Shine, shine, fallen star
How I wonder why you've fallen far
Shine, shine, with your whole heart
Remember it's not over

Missing You

I'm lonely.
My heart's company have gone;
I feel left alone.
You were mine for a long while.
Now I feel I've let you go
Like petals in a current
Except I'm the one being swept away.
I plucked one of your petals
To be reminded of you.
I didn't invade your roots
So I could go on thinking I was special;
More than just another visitor admiring your bloom.
I can convince myself that I gazed the longest,
And didn't walk on by,
Or pluck you carelessly,
Therefore you will remember me.
I kept you in my heart through the seasons,
And found myself with you.
I don't regret the length or events.
I learned. More importantly,
I lived.
And now I've left you behind.
It feels clean.
It feels like gentle, peaceful sorrow.
We will never have those moments again.
I promise not to recreate, but to remember.
I know what this is.
This feels like truth.
But, for the moment,
I miss you.

Starling (new song)

Oh, to fly, even just for a moment
And oh, to take wing,
On the new springs and drafts of the air
There is my freedom
My small and one chance at wonder
There lies my strong will
To leave and be everywhere but here

CHORUS:
To take heart, to take wing
To leave this place stronger for the past things
To be new, to be free
A starling, a break in the making

Oh, to fall away, from the "You'll never make it,
Don't even try little girl"
Close my eyes, my ears, and cry
Out against the "Never good enough" girl
Wishing for just one to believe in my world,
And me

BRIDGE:
The silence is killing me
When do I get to sing again?
Mourning is not my breed
But now it's (forced upon me/ overtaken me)  (2)

CHORUS (2)

A starling, a break in the making

Darling, for you I am staying.

...

A silent scream
Vibrations incapable of reaching air;
Unheard and ignored
In the scramble to reduce the
Harsh, bleak sound of nothing;
Frustration ensues; rage encompasses
Mighty and terrifying within.
     Screaming is ringing in my ears
     My own unvoiced
     Restrained, restricted, reprimanded.
     Nobody knows, nobody knows
     Empathy, understanding unfound
     Sympathy unwanted.
Confined, chained, captive
Held by the iron paper chains
Around my paper skin.
Prison bars behind my eyes;
An iron clasp behind my ear
Circling my neck a hint of gold
Where maybe a key once was.
     Secretly secreting sound.
     Seemingly unfounded attacks
     Arouse and enrage.
     Focus; open wide
     Or confirm my supicions.
And Oh! To be free...
From you, from them,
And to fly! Leaving, soaring, wishing
High into the sun and
Let my skin melt,
A pleasant and surprising turn of events.


** I feel like this needs cliffnotes, like a shakespearean play. Each individual line reeks with hidden meaning and analogy. I'm going to leave it how it is for now, and go under the assumption that anyone who really cares to find out what the unobvious parts mean will ask me. I'll gladly offer explanation, just ask. Also, there is no title, a purposeful decision meant to embody the silent emotion in the body of this piece. **