Let's Fight

I've been running from my pain

I've been pushing you away

I don't know when you're gonna

Take me seriously

You fill me up and let me down

Pull me in and let me drown

These waves keep crashing over me

Over my head I'm in too deep

You hold me close and let me go

I don't KNOW what I'm supposed to know

I think you're holding back

And I'm fed up with that

Come on, let's fight

Show me you care

enough to engage this war in my heart

I'm falling to pieces

I need to release this

Meet me here

A burning fire that's within

I want a fight but not a win

Let me wrestle with your light

Until it's all I see.

Prove your passion.

Fight for me,

Or fight me.

Just don't leave me alone in this fight with myself.

Thoughts

Umm, that doesn't look right...

Hey, do you see them?

I can't tell if they're moving

Are they turning too?

He should have waited! 

Wait...

Wait! Amadeus stop. STOP!

I'm hitting his back...

They don't see us!

Time crawls

I see glimpses of my life

Cravings for what my future could be

I am a deer in headlights

I can't close my eyes

One second before impact:

I'm not wearing a helmet.

I feel the jolt

I lean into Amadeus

I am flying

Instinct takes over

I cling to his back

Directing my body

I land on top of him

We fall

And break apart

I drag myself onto the grass

NICKI. NICKI! ARE YOU OK ARE YOU OK?!

I hear him distantly

My world goes black.

Close Call

Oh, I've tried

And I've failed

But now

I have one under my belt

You tried

You failed

You did not steal me away this time

I stood my ground

Stared you in the face

And refused to move

I was still.

My mind was screaming

My heart was beating 

     like a war drum in the first wave of battle

I watched

     with eyes wide open

As you drove your blade toward me

     a deadly blow

But I caught the cold steel in my hands

And held the point inches from my face

Eyes wide open. Staring into yours.

Until I thrust you away. And escaped.

It was a close call. 

Darling

I can't call you my baby

You don't belong to me

And you're not a baby anymore

But I want to hold you tight

My darling

My heart aches for you and what you've been through

Tears steam down my face

And I am filled with overwhelming awe

Inspired by your raw strength and vulnerability

Your transparency and authenticity in the midst of heartbreak and pain

I wish it didn't have to be this way

But the strength you've found inside of you

Has made you wise beyond your years

And I can't help but contemplate

How you've overcome your fears

You are perfect

You are beautiful

You are SO loved

I wish I could share my journey with you

Maybe someday you'll find solace in knowing you're not alone

But for now

I am honored

To witness your journey

Even from a distance

Even from the sidelines

I am cheering you on

Screaming my lungs out for you

With fierce pride and admiration

As you run your race

As you're finding your pace

And the strength to carry on

I don't think I've witnessed anything more beautiful...

And someday, these are the things I will say to you.