Disintegrate

I'm a wreck

A wretch

I retch 

Spewing venom that I use to numb the pain

But it only causes more

Crying in bed in the middle of the day

Fantasizing that a little cut

Will help the pain go away

Here I go

Disintegrating

I hurt myself in so many ways

Acting out the hate inside

The pain that I've internalized

Throughout my life

I'll run away

Abandon myself

Before I let anyone else do it again

I reach out

Ask for help

Wear my heart on my sleeve

See it bleed?

But it's never enough

Maybe I want too much

I am too much

And not enough

The void is deep and wide

A cavernous ache inside

I am weak and needy

I'm breaking down

I don't want to drown

But I'm to tired to fight anymore

I surrender.