Catch

Internal pain overwhelms

I take it on myself

How else?

No release

I don't want to live

I can't breath

Where is my hero?

Who will save me 

From myself?

Why am I so alone?

I will be still and plead

Fight for me.

Pandora's Box

My anguish cries out
I can't do this anymore
Tested, tempted, tortured
Where is my release
Freedom?
Locked so deep within
I cannot delve
My very core
Afflicted
But without consciousness
Disgusted
With myself and others
I want to heal!
Give me my memories!

Alone

Uncertainty paralyzes me

I am frozen with knowledge

Of outcomes that may

Or may not

Come to pass

The realities are consuming

Ever-hungry

Overtaking

And the biggest question yet:

Can I do this alone?

I'm not alone; but I am.

Support is not experience

Sympathy is not understanding

I am alone.

The Place

Sleep, Sleep, they say

     But sleep brings no peace

Sleep, Sleep, they say

You'll feel better,

     I only feel terror and dirt and shame.

Eat, Eat, they say,

     I'll eat when I'm hungry but I never am

Eat, Eat, they say

You don't want to starve yourself,

     That's what you think.

Talk, Talk, they say

It will help...

     It only makes me hate myself more

Talk, Talk, they say

It will get better,

     Not better, I say

     Worse.

The Pit

The more I fight
The more I feel the ground I am standing on
Snatched out from underneath me
Replaced by the sands of an hourglass
Trapping me with invisible walls
Caged on all sides
And it's only a matter of time
Before the inevitable fall.
Lord, reach out your hand to me
Because the darkness is closing in again
And I'm starting to panic; I am terrified
Fearful of sinking to so many years ago
But not by any action of my own.
The darkness is swallowing me up
I've lost interest in my loves,
The things that form my joy.
Save me oh Lord! Don't let me be taken!
My heart beats quickly
Waiting anxiously and in terror
Until I can no longer see through the fog
Enveloping me like memories that I fear will replay.

Seasons (11-06-2009)

Summer fades into cool colors
As my affect goes down with the temperature
I begin to miss the sun
Whose warmth on my skin is a gentle embrace
When love is lacking all around me.
Now as the days get colder
I yearn for the warm light on my face
Like a lover spurned and forgotten
Like a child abandoned
I grasp onto every chance
To bask in rays of heat
To be gently touched.

Shine

Shine, shine, fallen star
How I wonder why you've fallen far
Shine, shine, with your whole heart
Remember it's not over